Theme Song: "Blow" - Ke$ha
Out of curiosity, I skim through the reviews and I see a lot of ONE-STAR ratings for the show. WHAT??! Apparently, a bunch of outraged moms have taken to the internet to warn people that Ke$ha is "crude and wildly inappropriate." Umm... DUHHH, that's been her gimmick since Day One! What did you expect, Sister Mary Buttplug? It's called The GET $LEAZY Tour, not The DRINK MILK, STAY CHASTE Tour!All the mud-slinging reviews make me wanna see the show more than ever. It would make a perfect, moderately priced event to cross off our bucket list: Attend a BIG-NAME concert (Third Eye Blind doesn't count!). I immediately round up the posse and order 6 tickets for the show: one for me, Rice Lady, Paul, Shannon, Chelsey, EJ, and Nelly's sold separately. Unfortunately, after a couple of months, the line-up changes up slightly, but in the end, we only lose 2 peeps.
The big day finally arrives and I'm driving Rice Lady and EJ to Fairfax, VA, WOO-WOO! Since we're making excellent time with minimal traffic, we swing by this fabulous Thai restaurant up the road. As we're strolling down the sidewalk, a car full of girls screams at us, "KE$HAAA? Where is it?" Since I'm from out of town, all I can do is point and say, "That way!" ...Tragic foreshadowing.
Filled to the rim with Pad Thai, we resume our road trip. In an unexpected twist of fate, my GPS leads me to a dead-end road, then someone's backyard, and then the frickin' sidewalk! I don't know what it is about college campuses that makes my precious Sacagawea completely lose her shit. After circling the college town for nearly 15 minutes, we still haven't reached the Patriot Center. Eventually, we do some off-road driving and end up in an on-campus parking garage; shortly after, we get directions from a campus security guard.
We hike our way across campus and although we've missed the opening act, Spank Rock (whoever the hell they are), and Chelsey getting drenched with some klutzy guy's beer, we arrive just in time to see Ke$ha's second opener/co-headliners-in-the-making, LMFAO! To tell you the truth, I can't stand their breakthrough hit, "Party Rock Anthem." I'm constantly complaining about how House music has become so mainstream; while crazy synths and repetitive beats are mandatory at a nightclub, I don't wanna hear it on the radio. But after watching them perform live, I'm now an LMFAO fan--a "Party Rocker," if you will.
With the dancers' skin-tight costumes and the lead singer's bravado, I find myself swooning and dancing along to their bass-pumping tracks. In addition to their signature hits, "Party Rock Anthem" and "Shots," they also perform sexy club songs like, "Sexy & I Know It" and "I'm In Miami, Bitch." Despite my initial doubts, they really are the perfect openers for The Get $leazy Tour, because much like Ke$ha, LMFAO are the poster boys for sex, drugs, and rockin' out with one's cock out. It's a seamless transition.
TONIGHT'S SET LIST
- Sleazy (Cannibal)
- Take It Off (Animal)
- Fuck Him He's A DJ (Cannibal)
- Blow (Animal)
- Blah, Blah, Blah (Animal)
- Party At A Rich Dude's House (Animal)
- Backstabber (Animal)
- Cannibal (Cannibal)
- The Harold Song (Cannibal)
- Animal (Animal)
- Dinosaur (Animal)
- Grow A Pear (Cannibal)
- Your Love Is My Drug (Animal)
- TiK ToK (Animal)
I AM THE DANCE COMMANDER
+
I COMMAND YOU TO DANCE!!
NOTE: Song actually starts at 1:37.
Once LMFAO leaves the stage, I head to the gift shop to pick up some flashing club-kid glasses and glowsticks for Ke$ha's set. After nearly two minutes of teasing the crowd with strobe lights and ominous beats, a mysterious pair of fluorescent glasses appears onstage, followed by Ke$ha's disembodied voice. From the opening line, I'm immediately excited to hear my favorite song, "$leazy." Seriously, it's been my ringtone for months. :) Right off the bat, I'm impressed that not only is she singing LIVE, she is also playing the drums and at times, a synthesizer. At the song's close, she says to the crowd, "Tonight I wanna see you on your very WORST behavior." DONE.For the rest of the night, it's a non-stop party filled with debauchery and decadence; F-bombs are being dropped left and right and beer is flowing like water. I'm happy to see her perform an even mix of songs from her debut album, Animal, and the sequel, Cannibal. I'm especially shocked/delighted to hear another naughty favorite that you'll NEVER hear on the radio, "Fuck Him He's A DJ."
It's funny, I look around and see that A LOT of people came to the show in-costume; I wish we'd gotten the memo! For real, it's a sad day when we're the most conservative-looking people in the room! The only thing crazier than the costumes in the audience are the ones onstage. Throughout the show, Ke$ha's two male backup dancers don blond wigs and play her "evil twins." It's pretty awesome and hilarious.
Maybe it's a sign that I've reached a certain age, but although I'm having THE TIME OF MY LIFE, I'm genuinely appalled that there are literally hundreds of "tweenage" girls in the audience, some of whom were just dropped off at the stadium by their parents, no questions asked. I thought it was odd that my co-worker's 9-year-old granddaughter listened to Ke$ha, but now I realize that a lot of kids do. It's OK for them to listen to the radio edits, but make no mistake about it, the live show is definitely for Mature Audiences Only.
As I'm rapping one of my favorite lines, "Rat-a-tat-tat on yo' dum-dum-drum, This beat's so phat, gonna make me cum-um-um-um All over your face, Motherfucka," I look around and blush at their enthusiastic little faces. AWK-WARD. Although Ke$ha has some qualities that make her an excellent role model--she's street-smart, honest, aggressive, and has got the ladyballs to do whatever and whoever she wants--it's the profanity and drug use that children shouldn't be exposed to. The little girls treat the show like it's Halloween, dressing up in excessive eye-makeup, green lipstick, and fishnet stockings. But none of this is Ke$ha's fault AT ALL; as usual, it's just the parents' poor judgment. Between sets, the songstress plops down in a metal chair and chugs a can of beer... to the roar of the crowd. Without missing a beat, she says, "If you think that's something, I can do this all night." After performing a stream of raunchy party tracks, she slows down the pace with a couple of ballads, "The Harold Song" and the first song she ever wrote, "Animal." I had rarely listened to the latter, but after hearing it live, it has become one of my favorites. On a similar note, after seeing the live performances, I've revisited two lesser-known Animal tracks: "Dinosaur" and "Backstabber."
And now we come to a crucial element in female pop concerts, as of late: The Lapdance. Britney does it, Rihanna does it, Katy Perry does it, and now so does Ke$ha... but with a twist. She drags some lucky guy onstage and dedicates a song to him--a song about testicles called "Grow A Pear." He is strapped to a chair and subsequently teabagged by a guy with GIANT balls. What an honor.
In comparison to the Femme Fatale tour, Ke$ha's show is actually on-par and in some ways, superior. While it reminds me more of a college play than a multi-million dollar production, Ke$ha uses costumes, props, and Vaudevillian comedy sketches to entertain the audience. Never in my life have I seen so much glitter; there are glitter hoses, glitter machine guns, and Yes, even a GLITTER CANNON! While Britney is a divalicious pop culture icon, Ke$ha's a more down-to-earth artist who masterfully plays the role of Badass Party Girl. They're both amazing entertainers, but in different ways.
Following her encore performance of "We R Who We R," Ke$ha leaves us with some insightful words of wisdom: "Be who you are honestly and unapologetically always." It's the perfect motto for our motley band of misfits; our group works so well because we each contribute something unique and special to the dynamic. We all have our quirks, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I Love You, I Warned You...
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
