WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???!

These boys are so confusing nowadays. Sometimes you literally have to break down and ask whether they're looking for a friend, a fuck, or a same-gendered life partner. 🙄🙄 With all this new dating technology, you can never tell if anyone's completely unattached, technically single but dating around (my category), or married & sneaking around.

 

This guy is a sweetheart who isn't into hookups (according to his profile, haha), and yet after a month of chatting and one date, all I know about him is his name, his occupation, and he's a bottom. Oh yeah, and he enjoys The Golden Girls. 💁 I could see myself developing feelings for him, but when every conversation basically turns into phone sex, it's really hard to see a real future together. Which brings us back to, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??! 🤔🤔

 

I hate being so analytical when it comes to romance, but sometimes you literally have to spell everything out early so no one gets hurt. As I believe is the case with most adult humans, I'm open to most arrangements, so long as both parties know what it is and don't try to call it something else.

Meals On Wheels DGAF!

W-T-F. Came home and saw a suspicious looking middle-aged White guy hanging outside my block, shoving what appeared to be a pamphlet in someone's door, before jumping into his pickup truck. On the walk to my place, I realize... it's A SLICE OF PIZZA! 🍕🤔🤔

 

Ummm... who does that? I don't know if it's a stupid prank or what. I hover around the door for a few minutes, not sure if this is real life or if I fell asleep watching "Twin Peaks" again. 🕵️🌳 It wouldn't be the first time.

I believe a very elderly woman lives in that unit... YES, that same old lady who--after watching me shovel two parking spaces out of the snow, implied that I shovel her out too--after which I politely told her to eat a big black dick (not mine, of course). 😆🍆

DEEP deep down inside I am a Good Samaritan so I consider knocking on the door and informing the resident of this pizza situation. But then I think, What if they see me out here and wrongfully assume I DID IT? They'll just shoot my black ass and pay a $20 fine. 😱😂😂 

I also consider grabbing the slice and tossing it in my trash can, but what if this wasn't a malicious gesture and my neighbor will be ecstatic to find a crusty-ass piece of pepperoni pizza on her doorstep? Perhaps it's just another one of those White things I'll never understand...

Happy Mother's Day

How well do you know your Mom?

 

(Vanya Dee doesn't use the interwebs so she'll never see this anyway, lol)

1. She is sitting in front of the TV, what is she watching? Definitely something on TCM or AMC, probably black-and-white reruns of The Twilight Zone, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, or Bonanza

2. What dressing does she eat on her salad? Hidden Valley Ranch

3. Name something she hates? Seeing/hearing Trump on the news

4. What does she like to drink? Pepsi or Lipton's hot Tea

5. Favorite music to listen to? Definitely jazz (weather channel music), but she also loves Prince, Michael Jackson, and J.Lo

6. What is her nickname for you? James, hahahaha. She knows I loathe nicknames, but "Sweetie" and "Honey" are fine.

7. What is something she collects? SHOES 👠

8. What would she eat every day if she could? Tacos 🌮 or Butter Pecan Ice Cream

9. What is her favorite color? Navy Blue

10. What would she never wear? Anything strapless or backless (Thank God)

11. What is her favorite sports team? Baltimore Ravens

 

12. What is something that you don't do that she wishes you did? Call my Grandma more... but seriously, all my Grandma and I ever talk about is the weather 😴😴🔫

13. You bake her a cake, what is it? German Chocolate or Carrot Cake

14. Favorite animal? - Dog 🐶 But never had one because my Dad hates 'em 

15. What could she spend all day doing if she had the time? Watching every LifeTime Original Movie ever made

16. Who is her favorite child? - Me, lol! She doesn't play favorites

17. What's her favorite sweet? French crullers from Krispy Kreme or Raspberry Ghirardelli Squares

18. How many siblings does she have? Only child... So Ava (my niece) is probably her favorite!

 

19. Favorite alcoholic drink: My mom doesn't drink, and I'm not allowed to drink or swear in front of her 😇

20. You're in jail & you call her, what's her first response? "I'll be right there!" (On the car ride over, she'd summon her extensive knowledge of Matlock and Law & Order to magically exonerate me)

🎧 13 Reasons Why 🎧

 

I'd avoided this show for a while because I was afraid it'd portray suicide as "sexy," "edgy," or "powerful," when in reality, it's pointless and heartbreaking. After watching the entire first season, I'm pleasantly surprised that it's fairly realistic and treats the subject with respect.

 

The main critique I've seen online from Mental Health Awareness groups is that the show doesn't examine the mental illness often found in suicidal individuals. But 13 Reasons Why is just a TV show (based on a book), and it presents a different perspective. What I like most about the show is that on paper, the main character, Hannah Baker, is someone you'd never expect to take her own life: a smart, upbeat, well-educated, popular girl with loving parents. 

 

This especially hits home because in my senior year of high school, one of our classmates committed suicide. He was only 17 years old, well-liked, was on the Varsity Football team, and yet, he killed himself. Since his best friend had been murdered earlier in the school year, the school just wrote his suicide off as "grief" and we never had an official dialogue about it (probably because the school already had one national scandal to deal with). There is one picture of us together in the junior yearbook and for years, I'd come back to it, looking for any sign of depression or something I could've prevented. But suicide is never a decision based on logic; it's driven by emotion. His death always left me dumbstruck because my biggest fear has always been not living up to my full potential and achieving at least some of my dreams.

 

I also like that Hannah's untimely death isn't pinned on one single event, as you'd probably see in a LifeTime Movie of the Week about cyber bullying (seriously, where's the outrage about THAT?). We get 13 HOURS of insight into her final moments and the events leading up to her death. She dies 13 little deaths before ultimately being pushed off the cliff.

When Hannah commits the final act of self-mutilation, I'm glad that the show doesn't glamorize or romanticize it. It's brutal, it's painful, it's VERY bloody, it's loud, and I was literally sick to my stomach. And I pray that it prevents any child who watches it from ever considering suicide as a viable option. You won't be around to see the reactions of your 13 tormentors, you won't be awarded Clever Points for your suicide mixtapes... but your family will be devastated.