MELODRAMA, Ya Ya Ya

 

MELODRAMA

By Lorde

(Released 2017, Republic Records)

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Praised by the late David Bowie as "the Future of Music," Lorde has become one of the most underrated and talented musicians of this generation overnight, particularly when her sleeper hit "Royals" won the coveted Grammy Award for Song of the Year. Even though she shies away from the public eye, Lorde has become a pop culture icon, famously caricatured by Randy Marsh on South Park and inexplicably as part of Taylor Swift's Girl Power Posse. 🤔 She's certainly a mystery wrapped in enigma. 

Wise beyond her years, the 20-year-old songwriter's music is already synonymous with the Hunger Games franchise, which adds tremendously to her fanbase. Three years after her Grammy-winning debut Pop album, Pure Heroine, Lorde is back, this time bringing the Melodrama.

Due to a major misstep in lead single choice, the album's initial reception hasn't been great. That's because "Green Light" comes off as less of a poignant commentary on mindless overproduced pop music... and more of just another overproduced pop song itself. 🙄🙄 Will this be Jewel's notorious "sellout" album, 0304, all over again? Is T-Swift behind this?

 

Luckily, "Green Light" is the only outrageous  power pop anthem on the album. Don't get me wrong: it's not a bad song--it's just very uncharacteristic of the Lorde we know and love. Everything else is pure moody musical brilliance. My personal favorites are "Liability," "Writer in the Dark," "Sober," and "Supercut." The lyrics to "Liability" alone could totally pass as poetic verse:

The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy

'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore

And then they are bored of me

I know that it's exciting

Running through the night, but

Every perfect summer's

Eating me alive until you're gone

Better on my own

They say, "You're a little much for me

You're a liability

You're a little much for me"

 

I can especially relate (along with a certain blond songstress) to "Writer in the Dark," about a scorned artist who gets revenge on her ex-lovers through writing. In my case, writing violent short stories and of course, inflammatory blog entries, about several of my volatile relationships has been extremely cathartic. 

 

With Melodrama, Lorde has made a seamless transition from Pure Heroine's teenage angst to twenty-something angst. The album's stripped down vocals, mature lyrics, and heavy use of stringed instruments and piano makes it a refreshing departure from current pop trends. Cannot wait to see Lorde perform live in DC next year!!! 😍😍

 

💪 Sport Flicks 🏆

Looking back on it, sports-themed movies are the most homoerotic films known to man--not a big surprise considering that they are practically drenched in testosterone. I didn't realize this until my teenage years when it became readily apparent that both my Mom and I LOVED Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal movies for the same reasons... none of which were the acting, that's for damn sure! 😆

🏈  Little Giants (1994)

I remember seeing this movie at Kevin & Jeff's 2nd grade sleepover. It's a classic formula: rag-tag band of unathletic misfits go through a few training montages to magically defeat the best team out there. In a special twist, the best Footballer of them all is a girl nicknamed "ICE-BOX." 🌬 But for me, it was all about teen heartthrob, Devon Sawa!

🏀  White Men Can't Jump (1992)

"MOOKIE!" 🤣 I LOVE this movie because my brother and I practically grew up on the Basketball courts, even though I was usually videotaping on the sidelines. When "Black-As-Night" Wesley Snipes and "Wonder Bread" Woody Harrelson join forces with Rosie Perez, it's movie magic.

⚾️  A League of Their Own (1992)

YASSSSS!! 💁 Truly one of the ultimate Girl Power movies, the cast is a veritable Who's Who of queer icons: Madonna, Geena Davis, Rosie O'Donnell, and Lori Petty. It's refreshing to see strong independent women hold their own in any male-dominated field... Even if it is boring-ass baseball. #DirtInTheSkirt!

⚽️  Ladybugs (1992)

"Looks like Norman Bates is playing soccer!" "...After the game: No Showers." 😱🔪 Before She's the Man, there was Ladybugs! Teen heartthrob Jonathan Brandis dons a wig and a skirt for this soccer romp starring comedian Rodney Dangerfield and the FABULOUS Jackée Harry. 💁 It re-enforces every teen movie cliché, most laughably the idea that eyeglasses and a ponytail can make an otherwise beautiful girl look hideous. 🙄🙄🤢

🏒  D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)

FUN FACT: At age 12, I received a Cease & Desist email from Vincent A. LaRusso's girlfriend after I leaked his Boston University email address, which was undoubtedly blown up by dozens of fanboys and girls. Even though D3 is universally regarded as the weakest installment of the Mighty Ducks trilogy, the film spotlights Vincent's character as the posh rich kid is recruited for the Varsity Hockey Team over his Duck counterparts. Not to mention the intense fight scene between him and teen dream Joshua Jackson (Dawson's Creek).

⛸  The Cutting Edge (1992)

Two years before the 

Tonya Harding-Nancy Kerrigan Olympic Scandal, this film exposed the ugly politics around Professional Figure Skating. Opposite worlds collide when washed-up Olympians  Kate (the Ice Queen) and Doug (the Hockey Player) join forces in a last ditch effort to attain their former glory.

🥊  Rocky IV (1985)

Guess I've always been a fan of guys beating the hell out of each other. 👊 But in the franchise's darkest moment, former champion Apollo Creed is killed in the ring by Soviet robot, Ivan Drago (played by Dolph Lundgren). Of course, it's up to Apollo's friend/rival Rocky Balboa to avenge his death in an epic ring battle. Although unrealistic, it's quite satisfying to watch Sly Stallone tear the perfect Aryan specimen apart.

🥋  Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon (1985)

The Last Dragon is the first movie I ever remember seeing (at age 3) and it had a HUGE impact on me. I was instantly attracted to both the male and female lead characters. My personality formed as an amalgamation of both soft-spoken gentleman Taimak and sassy sex kitten Vanity. As a kid, it meant a lot to me to see beautiful and tough Black actors carrying their own movie; it inspired my lifelong dream of becoming a Director. 🎬

🤼‍♂️ Vision Quest (1985)

Before his villainous turn in Netflix's Stranger Things, Matthew Modine starred in this cheesy coming-of-age wrestling drama. Although I appreciate the film's gratuitous use of slow-motion Greco-Roman action, the real star of the show is young Madonna in her feature film debut (performing "Crazy for You" and "Gambler"). 🎤🌈

🏌  Happy Gilmore (1996)

Adam Sandler achieves the impossible by making golf somewhat exciting. Honestly, the only scene I remember from this one is Gilmore's hilarious brawl with beloved game show host, Bob Barker. "The Price is Wrong, BITCH!" 💰🤣🤣

🏁  Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

I know, I know, I really don't consider NASCAR a sport. 🏎 As usual, Will Ferrell plays the loveable idiot in this one. It earns a spot on my favorites list because it makes the best Scientology joke. "Save me, Tom Cruise! Save me with your crazy voodoo magic!" 🔮

Save Me, Tom Cruise; Or, Would You Run From Calista Flockhart?

 

 

THE MUMMY

(2017, Dir: Alex Kurtzman)

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As a belated Mother's Day gift, I took my Mom to the movies yesterday. But since she's already seen Wonder Woman and I don't want her to catch me lusting after Zac Efron & The Rock in Baywatch, we decide to see Tom Cruise in The Mummy reboot. 😬

From the trailers, this film looks like it will provide a much darker take on the mummy tale than the Brendan Fraser trilogy. Since my biggest complaint about those movies was that they were too campy and Fraser wasn't a believable action star, surely legitimate leading man Tom Cruise (Top Gun, Mission:Impossible, Risky Business) will change all that, right?

 

WRONG. 😩 Even though Kurtzman's version is a modern retelling of Universal Studios' 1932 horror classic, it is not remotely scary. He confusingly tries to combine action, laughs, and "scares" to create a well-rounded blockbuster; instead, it's just a big ol' mess. 

 

Frankly, Tom Cruise isn't funny. With the exception of Tropic Thunder (in which Tom is basically unrecognizable), he should stay far away from comedic roles. On top of this, the film's chronic lack of character development makes it difficult to pin down Tom's character and his motivations: Is he a petty thief? A mercenery? A tomb raider? An American soldier? It's never clear.

While raiding tombs in Iraq, Tom's character accidentally discovers the sarcophagus of Princess Ahmanet (played by Sofia Boutella), an ancient Egyptian princess mummified alive for making a pact with the God of Death and slaughtering her entire family in hopes of usurping the throne. Her backstory is the most compelling element of the film and I only wish she had more screen time; plus, I love how she is serving up Dark Willow realness as she terrorizes London. 💁🔮

 

The movie is off to a decent start but about halfway through, it flies off the rails in every way imaginable. At one point, a gang of zombies are chasing Tom Cruise underwater and Mom literally YELLS at the screen, "Now THAT can't happen!" 🙄🙄🙄 And I just turn to her like, You have no problem with Tom Cruise resurrecting a 16,000 year old woman, but swimming zombies is where you cross the line? 🏊🏊 Oh well, I'm just glad she has a line. You have to walk into action & horror movies with a reasonable suspension of disbelief; otherwise, I'd never believe that anyone could be scared of mummies, ghosts, demon clowns, or 5-lb stuffed dolls.

 

Overall, the special effects are decent and the acting is convincing, given the ludicrous source material. The Mummy's fatal flaw is its messy convoluted narrative that raises more questions than it answers:

Is it action, comedy, or horror?

Are we supposed to like, hate or pity the Mummy?

Why the hell are Dr Jekyll & Hyde in this?

The film's climax is bleak, non-sensical, abrupt and sets up a sequel to this remake... neither of which anyone asked for. 😒 Y'all know I can appreciate an awesomely bad movie, but this movie is just genuinely bad and a total waste of time. SKIP IT!

TEAM Griffin

It's funny, my brother and I rarely talk but he texted me earlier today to ask my thoughts on the latest Kathy Griffin scandal. 💁 While I'll always love my Miss Kathy and have always been a proponent of everyone's right to Freedom of Expression, I can't condone what she did. Although there were equally if not more offensive images directed at the Obama Administration, none of those had a celebrity scapegoat attached.

 

It'd be different if the joke were actually funny, but it just comes off as tasteless and unnecessary. It's a shame that she's losing all of her endorsements now, but that's the risk you take when a joke crosses that fine line. That's why it's so important to have a second set of eyes look over your artwork to see if the risk will be worth the reward. Someone should've said NO!

 

Kathy definitely could've made the same point but in a less literal and overt way. Back in 2005, Margaret Cho released her politically charged ASSASSIN comedy special, taking on the George W Bush regime. The poster art depicts Margaret in all black, wielding a microphone stand like an assault rifle, using her words to metaphorically annihilate the President. Kathy holding Trump's bloody decapitated head is not symbolic or creative; it's graphic and literal and no one should be surprised when it's perceived as a death threat.

Despite the recent controversy, I'll still support Kathy's books and standup shows, and I just hope her career can bounce back after this major setback.

Who Killed Sister Cathy?

 

CHILLS. 😨😨 Watched the entire series in a day because I HAD TO. It's a damn shame that two young Baltimore women are brutally murdered in 1969 and yet, a group of civilian vigilantes are more compelled to solve these cold cases than the county police and FBI. Especially since most people directly connected to the case are already dead. 

 

Even though I was raised Methodist, my family still has several ties with Catholicism. Since he and my sister were never married, the one thing my niece's father has agreed to pay for is her Catholic schooling because he feels forever endebted to the Church. 🙏 My niece Ava is also my goddaughter (probably because I might never have kids), which is a fundamentally Catholic concept. My older brother briefly attended Cardinal Gibbons, the all-boys school located next to Archbishop Keough, where Sister Cathy worked. And for the past few months, I've been hooking up with someone working for the Archdiocese of Baltimore. 😇🌈

 

It's eerie watching the show because I've lived in every featured location: Anne Arundel, Gettysburg, and Baltimore County. It's all literally quite close to home, and it makes me even angrier that the crime has gone unsolved.

The show's tagline is correct: the real story isn't about the murder of Cathy Cesnik, it's about the coverup (by the Archdiocese and the State Attorney's Office). If you're like me and LIVE for true crime documentaries or conspiracy theories, then you've gotta see this!