Condom Castles

Original Air Date: 09.02.04
Opening Song: "Move Your Feet" - Junior Senior

Brrrr... it is so nippy in our school! If you counted how many times I massaged my pecks during band class, you'd really be concerned (I know I was, feeling a lump on my breast and all). Obviously, I'm a busy man and this whole journal thing is gonna be hard to manage. Anyway, let me recap Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday in this entry.

AP Psychology is going much better than I expected; I got a 17 out of 20 on our first test. (Woo Hoo!) Markowski (my teacher) told us a story about a guy who got so drunk he didn't even notice that he had gotten into an accident and that his friend's severed head was laying on the back seat. WHOA! This proves me right; in most car accident reports, the one sitting in the passenger seat is almost always decapitated. Noted.

Weight Training's a pretty fun class. We watched a vintage 70s Weight Room Safety Procedures video with lots of bowl haircuts, tight shirts and short shorts. Speaking of short shorts, "Who wears short shorts?" I DO! I didn't realize it but my uniform shorts have shrunk since I took Fitness for Life I two years ago (I look like Lieutenant Dangle from Reno 911). I surprised myself when I benchpressed for the first time ever; I never tried it at the Ft. Meade gym because I never had a spotter on hand. I was afraid I wouldn't even be able to lift the bar, but frankly, 90 pounds feels like nothing.

In English, I had another substitute teacher and he gave us a journal assignment entitled "Who is your hero?" I decided to pick an easy hero to describe--the hombre they call El Mariachi (aka Antonio Banderas). Jessica took the intellectual route, selecting Beatnik writer Jack Carrawack. Also, we began reading the epic poem known as "Beowulf"(luckily, I read it in the seventh grade).

During Lunch, Autumn, Melony and I talked about Xena: Warrior Princess and about how sexy Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle) was. I finally saw Janelle during Wednesday's lunch and she just got out of AP English Literature with MEK ("the dark one"). On Friday, Autumn and I talked about the good ol' days. We both hated middle school (who didn't?) but we remember how our little clique had a picnic one day in the music hallway; we had pie and everything and we never caused lots of trouble. Elementary school was the best. I remembered her from Kindergarten and how I thought she was the prettiest one in her class (so happy and innocent). In the later grades, we both had our own clubs: mine was the Power Rangers Club and hers was the Mystery Club. She once saw a guy in a red and black sweater walk into a house across from the school, so she believed that Freddy Kreuger lived across the street.

In Yearbook class I spent some time fighting for a one-page per club policy (with the larger clubs getting slightly more coverage) since last year's yearbook barely gave the reader any idea of what each club was about and what it did. I think sports should have the usual coverage (2 Varsity, 1 JV) because it takes a lot of work to do what they do. Jessica doesn't like sports but thinks they deserve some recognition.

After school I met Carolyn's AP Environmental Science teacher. She's a teeny lady (about 4'10") from Upstate New York. The piece of advice she gave us was: "Don't keep a chicken as a pet because they are dumb as a box of hair." Good to know.

Carolyn, Shannon, Jessica (Shannon's cousin) and I ditched the stupid interactive portion of the Drama Club meeting known as Theatre Arts (bleh!). We went to Popeyes and Jessica was checking out the X-rated poultry poster (ad for naked chicken) Everything was watered down including the Mountain Dew, the Pepsi, and the soap in the bathroom. Next, we all walked to the park; someone broke the swing before we got there (the seat was cut in half). I did a Tarzan impression, swinging from the chain... and was whacked in the crotch with the seat (twice!). I also tried out my German hang and my "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" jumps. As we sat on the playground equipment, we talked about dressing alike for Halloween (ie choosing a theme like Aladdin, Scoooby Doo, Iron Age, or The Jetsons) We went on to discuss the deathtraps that we all played on when we were kids (see The Tower and The Horse) and finding weird things on the playground (Jessica and her friend found a used condom and used it as a bucket to hold their sand). I could just imagine the castles those would make.

On the way back from the parking lot a boy muttered "Bitch" from a distance and I heard it! I thought he was referring to one of us so I went into ass-kicking mode, but the punk and his friend both hopped off the sidewalk to avoid a beating, JiMBO-style (wise decision). As I walked away from the school, two young ladies asked if I was on the football team and I responded, "No, but i'm in the band... and so ARE YOU!" I recognized them from the drumline; they must not have expected that. Giddily one replied, "Oh, then, see you tomorrow."

All in all, my week was great. What did I learn? The passenger seat sucks, literally and figuratively. No one enjoyed middle school, most likely because puberty had its nasty way with us during those awkward years. I also learned that a lot of people (even athletes) have respect for both the Band and Drama Club, so I'm proud to say that I'm in lots of clubs yet I respect the Sports teams as well. And finally, I learned that on every playground, there was that ridiculous piece of equipment that was dangerous and awkward but was an absolute blast to play with. "The greater the risk, the greater the reward."