Man in the Mirror

Original Air Date: 08.26.04
Opening Song: "A Perfect Lie" - The Engine Room

Lately, I've been creeped out by my own reflection, yet I'm strangely attracted to it. After 8 years of vegetarianism and five months of a daily routine composed of 50 sit-ups, 50 push-ups, and 25 pull-ups, my stomach has gotten so flat that it seems to be going inward. (eek!) I haven't lost any weight (thank God) but my waist is now 26 inches... on the Up side, my abs are gaining lots of definition, which I love. The only things I'm self-conscious about are my shoulders (they should be higher) and my head (could be a bit smaller). Don't get me wrong, I love my body and I'm not ashamed of it, but it's something that's always on my mind.

Speaking of not being ashamed of my body, I took a vacation in Buffalo, New York three weeks ago. I checked into my own hotel room and was immediately drawn to the full-scale mirror (I love those!). To make a long story short, I sauntered around the room completely naked, occasionally dancing/gyrating in front of the window (in plain sight of passing cars). While in Buffalo, I visited Niagara Falls, one of the Nine Wonders of the World. It's a mutant waterfall; it's like six normal waterfalls combined to make one gigantic fountain of water shooting directly out from the earth (it's so amazing, you'd think it was man-made in some way).

Today I had a bowl of Cap'n Crunch Berries and swung by the Tennis Shoe Warehouse to buy some cheap, sturdy jeans. I was surprised at how similar this store was to a warehouse (i.e. Home Depot). The dressing room was an Out of Order restroom... which was already occupied, so the sales guy told me I could change downstairs. "Downstairs?" I figured there might be stalls or restrooms down there. Hah! I go down there and it's a frickin' basement loaded with crates (with no floor tiles or carpeting). Sigh. At least it wasn't a setup or something; I was not in the mood for a gang rape (way too early in the afternoon).

Back to New York, I did something I vowed I'd never do-- I bought leather pants. Specifically, "Delicious, 2nd Skin Black Leather Jeans" from Nordstrom's. I need them for my halloween costume, a futuristic Chippendales dancer.

What did I learn today? I learned that the old saying is true: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." We are our harshest critics and once you start picking at every little flaw, it becomes unhealthy to even look in a mirror anymore. I've become obsessed with achieving the body image that I want; I feel alive and sexy and essentially, that's all that really matters when it comes to me and happiness.