Theme Song: "Prime Time Of Your Life / Brainwasher" - Daft Punk
The time has finally come for an event that has been DECADES in the making... JiMBO finally turns 21, Ow-oW!! Finally, a real birthday with some perks. And to make things even sweeter, it magically falls on a Saturday. However, today begins like any other day: I go to BOMB Squad practice @ the Chapel in the morning, attend my first GPS meeting in Chapel Basement, go home, shower & shave, and do my lil' dance at the MLK anniversary celebration at 7. Hate to say it but Dr. King's totally horning in on my special day--seriously, his birthday was on TUESDAY and yet for some reason, he's dominating my weekend! O well, I'll allow it.
Once the BOMB Squad's finished doin' our dance in the chapel, I try to salvage the rest of my day. I'm turning 21, so I HAVE to drink somethin' alcoholic today! Should I go to the Tropics Party tonight? There'll be alcohol... but there'll also be a Jimmy Buffet cover band. *weighs the pros and cons with hands* HELLL NO! It's my birthday, and I'm gonna do whateva' I WANT! It must be close to 20 degrees outside, but I don't care. I am dead-tired, I don't feel like re-making myself pretty tonight, so I'm just gonna walk to a nice pub and call it a night. Or so I think...As I'm strolling down Carlisle Street, I get distracted by the bright lights. For a moment there, I consider seeing The Kite Runner at the Majestic. I have to tell myself, "No! No, James. We are on a mission. Yes, I'm using the royal 'We.' Let's just find a suitable bar and honor tradition." Like a sign from the Almighty, a neon Budweiser sign beckons me to come forward. Hal-le-luuuuu-jaaaaaah!
Into The Plaza, I confidently gavotte, strutting my stuff until I look around and realize... there are ONLY THREE PEOPLE HERE!! Yeah, this joint is waaaaay too Middle America for me; I will take my liquor to go, Sir! When I set my sights on the walk-in fridge, my mouth just hits the floor: there is SO MUCH alcohol in there... which one should I choose? Wine and Beer and Ale, Oh My!Although I like my Bud, I decide to try Heineken tonight--it's exotic enough, I suppose. Along the icy sidewalks, I glide home, kick back, put in Ethan Mao, one of my favorite movies, warm up some La Bella pizza, and procure my burr. Once I actually go to open one, I totally forget how HARD these bottles are to open. Shit. I don't have a bottle opener. *sigh* 2 hours left, I've gotta get that good stuff IN ME!! And I try EVERY-THING.
I'm banging bottles up against the marble sink, whacking 'em against the door frame, until it finally makes a TINY, minuscule hole as the bottle fizzes and overflows. But this is not good enough! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL, I will not be reduced to sucking the drippage off of a semi-open bottle! *sigh* Eventually, I face the harsh reality and realize what must be done. *takes out a nail file and starts sharpening teeth* Guess I'm gonna have to bite it like a little monkey, RAARRRR!!!
It does the trick, the bottle cap hits the bathroom mirror at 10 miles an hour. And just as easy as that, I'm in my chair, enjoying my pizza and beer, watching my movie. Even though I guzzle down 3 beers (which feels equivalent to licking a rusty tail pipe) in under an hour, I still feel nothing... well, except for the fact that I'm performing everything in stop-motion, like I'm trapped in a 1950s French film. As I said before, the taste of Heineken is disgusting and gross, and YET, I want more. Mmmm, good, sweet poison. NOM, Nom, nom.
All things considered, I got everything I wanted for my birthday: I consumed alcohol (legally, at last!) and I got to see practically all my closest gBurg friends (BOMB Squad & GPS). Alright, time to shake my thang in the mirror while blasting Daft Punk's new Alive album. :-D Happy Birthday to me!
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