Theme Song: "I Like Boys!!" from Teen Witch
DISCLAIMER: The creative team behind Chaos Under The Big Top: The College Years does not advocate, encourage, or endorse the under-age consumption of alcohol.
THE MORNING AFTER
Hey... Listen, I hope you haven't lost all respect for me after what happened last night. I feel compelled to apologize for acting like an ass and for any unattractive sounds that may or may not have poured out of my body. You accept? Great! Y'know what's worst of all...? I REMEMBER absolutely EVERY minute detail from that night. That's my punishment, I presume. Oh well, see ya!PAGAN PROPOSAL
Let's back-track so you know what the hell I'm talking about. At last week's GAIA Pagan Society meeting, Becky brought up the idea for our first club event, which would not be open to the public. Disgusted by what Valentine's Day has become, a.k.a. an exclusionary event that treats love like a commodity, she proposes an Anti-Val Day party. Don't worry: it's not as bitter as it sounds. Personally, I LOVE Valentine's Day and think that people should treat people lovingly every day of the year, but the focus on commercialism has become a real turn-off. So, as a form of protest, we will wear colors OTHER THAN red and pink, not eat chocolate of any kind, and get totally sloshed.
THE ANTI-VALENTINE'S DAY PARTY
A week goes by when the night of the party finally arrives. At dusk, under the cover of shadow, we crouch down and stealthily make our way to Carlisle House, each of us carrying sacks of booze. Once inside, we congregate in one of the triple bedrooms. Immediately, the cocktail shaker comes out, the Playstation's plugged in, and we've got a party on our hands. After murdering both Madonna and David Bowie in Karaoke Revolution, Emily teaches us a new drinking game: Kings.
The girls grab their bottled mojitos, Kyle strokes his precious Tequila, and I make sweet love to my three appletinis (that according to Katy, look like radioactive waste). In the game of KINGS, for every card that's drawn, there's a certain action. For example, whenever someone draws a King, everyone plays "Never Have I Ever" and the first person out takes a drink; whenever someone draws a Jack, they can create a new playing rule. Kat's the first to get a Jack and she decrees, "Every time anyone takes a drink, I TAKE A DRINK!" :-D Nice. When I finally get a Jack, I decide that "Whenever someone draws a 6 (Chicks take a sip), the guys must remove an article of clothing." I did NOT think this through.
After the first 6 comes up, I look over at Kyle and realize that his UNDERWEAR is more than my PARTYWEAR; he came PREPARED! So while I'm wearing a handkerchief and jeans, I think to myself, "Shit, I'm gonna be AssED OUT in four turns... Oh well, modesty's overrated." Once we finish the whole deck, Kat turns on the iPod and we all rock out for about half an hour. While I'm getting into one particularly awesome song, the floor goes out from under me and next thing I know, I'm flat on my back. At this point, I know that I've passed the point of no return, and I'm much drunker than I thought. In hindsight, slurping up the vodka was not the best idea. Who knew?
Given my drunkenness, I realize that I'd better lie down before I hurt myself. Gwen, Jesus, and Moses (the sober ones) are already camped out on one of the beds and Kyle's in a tequila haze on the other one. Since the cold tile floor is not very inviting and there's no way in hell I'll be able to get out of that top bunk, I curl up in a ball next to Kyle (or as some would put it, in the fetal position). And despite what is said and the pictures that'll eventually turn up, there is No Spooning, No Forking, nor any other hot utensil action taking place on Kat's bed. I may have impaired judgment, but even Drugged-Up James is a gentleman... usually.
While I'm cooling my jets on the bed watching the room spin around me, I refuse to admit that I'm too drunk to function. At one point, I'm even able to crawl off the bed and explain perfectly to the girls how to operate all my technical equipment (PS2, mics, DDR mats, DVDs, etc). Then, I slither right back into my former position. An hour later, I can't even sit up on my own; I literally have to grab on to the bottom of the top bunk and pull myself up (having flashbacks to high school gym class). When I feel I'm finally ready to stand up and leave the room, something comes up.
KLLLLEEEEHHHHH!!! Without warning, my mouth becomes a Smirnoff FiREHOSE, but luckily I'm trained enough to throw both hands over my mouth to keep from making a mess. One of the girls manages to kick a garbage can under me while the alcohol gushes from my mouth. Immediately I ask for a napkin--above all, I've gotta stay pretty. ;-D And at this point, I remember that Kyle is only like a foot away from me on the bed. Please be passed out cold, Please be passed out cold, Please be passed out cold...
"Are you alright?" DAMMMMN! I appreciate your concern, really, it's very sweet, but would you PLEASE PASS OUT ALREADY?! Work with me here! After a while, I put in Teen Witch, kick back on the other bed with my arm around Katy, leaving Kat with Kyle. I'm out cold after the second musical number (a brilliant song called "I Like Boys, I Like Boys, I like Boys, I. LIKE. BOYS!!").
The clock strikes 3:30 as Kyle and I wake up and drunkenly lead each other back to good ol' Lahm--it's a good thing we live less than a block away. Once I'm safe inside I look out the window to make sure he doesn't collapse in the parking lot. He doesn't, by the way. ;-) I quickly strip off my vinyl ensemble and crawl into the bed, visions of cocktail shakers and red plastic cups dancing in my head...
*opens freezer* Dude, where are my ice cream bars? Oh, right, they're at Kat's. Hey, where'd the Playstation go? I see a mirage of my cocktail shaker atop the shelves and grab my head in recollection. OOOOOoooh, Fuck me gently with a chainsaw...
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