Theme Song: "Boys Wanna Be Her" - Peaches (Tommy Sunshine Mix)
You've got them all by the balls, causin' waterfalls,
Stonewall, Stand tall, Doll, you make them feel so small,
And they LOVE it!
The BoYS Wanna Be Her, The GiRLS Wanna Be Her,
I Wanna Be Her... so do you.
Back by popular demand, it's the 2nd Annual Gender Bender Dance, brought to you by the gBurg ALLiES! That said, I'd better get ready. Too bad things are going wrong already! Unfortunately, since my big sis finally moved in with her Prince Charming (her Dance Pimp, Jeff), I can't raid her closet and slut it up with the same ease that I did last year. So... I've had to turn to eBay for all my crossdressing needs! It sure beats borrowing clothes from one of my girlfriends, anxious the entire night trying not to sweat or spill cheap booze on myself. After spending at least an hour in CVS trying to figure out what the hell I need to actually look like an attractive woman, I finally get back to my room and look for a make-up artist. You see, my 1st choice, Emily can't make JiMBO purrrty this year 'cause she's finally visiting her boyfriend @ Penn State. I call up my 2nd choice, Kat, but the line's busy. SHiT.Looks like I'm gonna have to do everything all by my lonesome here. Of course, I have to shave thoroughly (pits and abs)--reminds me of last year when I manscaped weekly, but then again, last year, I was practically a revolving door on the dating scene. 3 guys, 2 weeks, I kept myself busy. ;-D Anywho, after all the painfully tedious grooming's done, I squeeze myself into my 2-piece outfit, eyes closed so that the glitter doesn't seap in. Immediately after I shimmy into the skirt, I realize how awkward it looks since it's skintight, so I have to adjust... the phrase "Puppetry of the Penis" comes to mind. The final touch: The eyeliner. *cringe* Ouch. I reeeeeally don't have "the steady hand," so the entire time I was stroking my eyelids, I was praying that I wouldn't spazz out and poke my eye out. Now THAT would be an embarrassing way to die!
Around 9 or so, Mark calls for the 4th time to see if I'm ready to go. I'm very happy that I was actually able to convince him to dress up a few months ago... to me, there's nothing sexier than a guy who's comfortable enough with his sexuality and secure enough with his masculinity to dress up as a woman without fear--ironically, at these functions, it's usually the gay guys who DON'T dress up! I finally head out only to discover that it's POURRRRING rain outside! Oh God, my hair! *runs back into dorm room* I pull up my knee-high, 5-inch black stiletto boots, zip up my hooker jacket, snatch a broken umbrella, and walk 4 blocks in the mud and the grass and the gravel. A boob falls out on the way; I try my best to rollstep the walk over before something else pops out. What can I say? The puppies wanted to breathe even though I tried to keep 'em strapped in with a tiny bow.
NOMI & CRISTAL's LUNCH CONVERSATION:
"Let's Discuss Our Breasts"
(Courtesy of Showgirls)
Cristal: You have great tits. I like nice tits... always have. How 'bout you?
Nomi: I like having nice tits.
Cristal: How do you like having 'em?
Nomi: I like them in a nice dress.
I finally stomp my way up the Attic steps and saunter inside only to be greeted by Jai, Mel, Dave, and Kyle. The hooker jacket's stripped off and I'm simultaneously met with a chorus of WOW's and OW-OW's. Next thing you know, a huge crowd forms around me before I even step foot on the dancefloor. Literally, I walk in and it turns into a 10-minute press junket with paparazzi flashes goin' off from every direction. It's kinda cool--with my killer heels, I tower over ALMOST everyone at an Amazonian 6'3".
Once I'm finally settled, Ambika (aka the Unibomber) takes my hand and we take over the floor; she does some Russian Cossack dancing and I do some breakdancin, some one-armed cartwheels (so much more dangerous in heels, yay) UNTIL my boobs go rolling across the floor under the bar. Luckily, the peeps are more than happy to return 'em! I've been here for about 10 minutes and yet Mark still isn't here, and he's right next door in Quarry Hall. So... I call him up and he arrives shortly after with Kelsey, and I'm impressed--he looks a lot better than I thought he would. We end up salsa dancing together. *sad shake of head* LOL, I tried my best to let him lead, but he got so frustrating that I had to grab his hands and turn into Luis (our Salsa instructor), screaming, "1-2-3, 5-6-7!" FuN.
Around 10:30PM, the Judges' tribunal (Lynn, Jai, and Forum-Kyle) congregates in front of the stage to announce the winners. The winner for Best Girl-turned-Guy is... Stephanie Allen! And the winner for Best Guy-Turned-Girl is...
Mark Lohsen. There's a huge silence followed by a staggered applause and then finally a full applause in the room. It's funny to see how some of my die-hard fans are quick to call "Shenanigens" already... it's not that serious, bring it down a notch, y'all. It really touches me that this guy I've never even met yells at me, "YOU WON!!" Awww, that's so sweet, but I accept and understand the judges' decision... even if I am tempted to chuck a boob at every last one of 'em! ;-D I'll show you accessories! *toss!*
When all is said and done, the Student has surpassed the Crossdressing Master, and Good for Him. Circle of life, bitches. ;-D Shortly afterward, I trek my way back home w/ Ambika the Mountainman, frantically scrub the glitter out of my eyes and the polish off my nails and head over to Servo to work Midnight Madness with Marianne, Hilary, and 'em 'til 2:30 in the morning. :-D OOOH, WHAT A NIGHT!!
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