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A Nasty Case of Stage Fight

Theme Song: "Mortal Kombat" - The Immortals A couple of months ago, I found myself lounging around the house with a rare Sunda...

Friday, May 14, 2010

James / Janine (Vol. 6, Issue 11)

Original Air Date: 03.15.2008
Theme Song: "Kimme More" - Britney Spears & Lil' Kim



*~UNLEASHED~*

Under the cherry moon she'll dance,
In her mind swirl visions of romance,
Across the wet campus she stomps,
Against the pavement her spiked heels clomp,

After lying dormant for almost a year,
She claws the surface and will soon be here,
The night calls and she must take heed,
The yin to my yang, tonight JANiNE must feed!!


So it's 3:00 in the PM, the Gender Bender Dance is tomorrow night, and I've been walking around aimlessly in CVS, blinded by the florescent light (or as I call it, "hospital-chic") surrounding the cosmetics section. I've been here for well over a half-hour, and I have no idea what I'm doing--I know what makeup's supposed to look like when it's ON, but in its original state I'm CLUELESS.


Like a sign from above, my cell rings, and it's EJ, one of my Maryland gays, and although I used to make fun of him for keeping guyliner in the glove compartment of his PiCK-UP TRUCK, I'm soooo glad he can tell me all about make-up: base, cream, gloss, powder, butter... what have you. Check! Friday afternoon I head over to Stine and catch my lovely make-up artist, Emily, before her Miss Orange & Blue photo shoot. She hooks me up, makes me HOT, and lets me borrow her bullwhip (Janine has temporarily found her calling as a dominatrix).


The transformation is complete. Like last year, night falls and it is POURING out, so now I have to dig my 3-inch heels in the mud and the grime. Oh, HAPPY day!! Fortunately, I don't wind up sinking into wet earth, and I finally make it to the Attic relatively early (for me, that is). Upon arrival, I'm immediately greeted by my Pagan Posse, most of whom are all dressed up. Slinking my way across the DanceFloor, I notice some hot oddities: Katy's gone the Connie & Carla route (y'know, the whole woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman dealio); Kyle & Paul look FABULOUS in their 1920s garb; and Jimmy's trademark Washable 6-Pack Abs make a special appearance alongside a duct tape bra.

Before I make my way over to the bar, I'm accosted by an angry Scotsman... named Becky! He says, "My, my, you don't leave much to the imagination, eh, you saucy minx?" And I just assume he's talking about my vinyl bustier and garter belt, shoot him an amused smile, and get my drink. Next thing I know, while I'm posing for pictures with Frisbee Emily, she points something interesting out to me... MY NIPPLES ARE SHOWING!! *looks down* Gasp... oh well. :-D She fixes it for me; I always seem to have boob issues at these things.

Of course, the tale of a dominatrix's night on the town wouldn't be complete without some brutality, namely the enormously popular whip. I'd been eyeballing it since I saw Em DOMINATING the Vagina Monologues (as "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy") back in February. However, I'm glad I have Frisbee Emily (our resident whip connoisseur) around to keep an eye on the whip because those things are NOT toys. I remember, back in high school, I was directing a play and let my actress take home one of her props (a bullwhip) and nearly got suspended 'cause after school, she was out back knocking thick branches off trees!

Anywho, after hours of taking photos with flocks of JANiNE fans and dancing in heels to crazy classics like Cotton Eyed Joe and my new slut song, Britney's Gimme More, it's time for the winners to be announced. Drumroll, please!

And the winner is...

JAMES/JANINE! WOO! To make the victory even sweeter, my girl Christina wins Best Girl to Guy! :-D Among other things, we each go home with a 1GB iPod Shuffle. SwEEt.

As the music winds down and the moon begins to wane, it's time for JANiNE to go back where she belongs, the sequin-kissed dancehall located in the annals of my imagination...

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