Theme Song: "Sex Is Not The Enemy" - Garbage
Lately I've been questioning my entire identity... mainly due to a string of sexual "nightmares." In the most recent one, I'm in my dorm room hosting a wild party. Across the room I see Bio Mark and "That guy he's always with" laughing and having a good time. I'm sitting on the couch talking to my girl Nicole (aka ManEater) when all of a sudden, she jumps my bones! I wrap her luscious brown hair around my fingers and start making out with her on the eurofuton. Then, the two of us fall on the floor, roll around like dogs in heat, and rip each other's clothing to smithereens; I suck her and fuck her while all the party guests cheer us on. And the weirdest thing about it all is... I liked it! I really liked it!
The other dream took place in early August. The alarm has gone off in Huber Hall and crazy Huber Hero Mark leads everyone upstairs to safety in the attic. Out the window we can see that a tornado has touched down on top of Musselman Library! The building is systematically ripped apart by the gale force winds... a barrage of cement blocks hit the window and start destroying the attic's walls. A short blond girl falls on top of me and the trap door collapses under our combined weight. We hold each other close as we tumble down four flights of stairs, kissing all the way down. Yet again, I liked it.
So I ask, WHAT the FUCK is HAPPENING to me? Have I become sooo incredibly GAY that I've looped back around to STRAIGHT again? Am I just mutating into something harder, better, faster, stronger? LOL, I know that's impossible, but I won't rule out the bisexual possibility constantly floating around. Some people would probably shrug these off simply because they're dreams, but dreams are what formed my sexual identity. And both of these so-called nightmares closely resemble my pubescent dreams that were, to my surprise, all about dudes. That said, my mind and body literally screamed at me that I was a fag, forcing me to finally put 2 and 2 together.
But it doesn't help that all day I've been distracted by cleavage and tuning my girl friends out. I'm just glad that Kate didn't catch me and say, "Hey! Would you mind saying that to my face and not my right tit?!" LOL. Plus, today in Documentary Film, we watch Brakhage's Window Water Baby Moving, which shows a childbirth in its gory entirety. Anywho, the movie is edited like a horror movie and is very avant-garde in many respects. Seriously, once it's over I expect the screen to read: "You're Gonna Die in Se7en Days." Eek!
You know what, that's it! I'm done with men! That's right, the rest of 2006... all about women. No men. None at all... *sigh* I miss men. OK, I'm back on men! :-D I guess only time will tell if I truly am sexually attracted to women as well. Besides, with women, it's not the sex that grosses me out, it's the constant nagging and need for dependence not to mention their backstabbing nature especially when it comes to other girls. I totally wouldn't mind adding a woman to the mix with another bi guy (to spice things up), but 1-on-1 is just out of the question. *cringe* Frankly, I'm too old for this shit... I'm secure with who I am but I'll remain open to the idea.
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