Theme Song: "Killer Queen" - Queen
Well, boys and girls, it's that time of year again. That's right, it's mid-March and ALLiES' 4th Annual Gender Bender Dance is almost upon us.
Given my long track record of fabulous poster designs, Jai personally asks me to make one for the GBD, even though she's already passed the reigns onto V.P. DeLue. Inspired by pictures taken in past years, I find myself staring at the finished product after less than two hours of work. The poster has a gradient Easter Egg color scheme and features some standout images from Gender Bender History: DJ Christina, French Tutor Mark, Adorable Anne Marie, and Dominatrix Janine. Both Jai and DeLue are pleased, much to my delight.Like a good boy scout, I've been prepared for this night for over a month. As I have with previous years, all my costume pieces, wigs, props, etc. have been shipped from my one-stop sleazy role-playing shop, ABC. Unfortunately, as always, the unexpected happens: Emily, my favorite make-up artist, will be staying with her boyfriend at Penn State all weekend. Even though I notified her months in advance, I totally understand and there are no hard feelings because what's the Cardinal Rule of our relationship? Oh, I remember: "God help the sister that comes between me and my mister!"
It's the big night and I find myself in bedroom, frantically trying to squeeze into a pair of fishnet stockings. Meanwhile, Travis and I are commenting on ESPN's National Collegiate Wrestling Tournament, swapping war stories, scoping out the gladiatorial hotties, but mostly, watching in bewilderment as ASU's Anthony Robles, aka "The One-Legged Wonder," takes the floor. Although he's extremely impressive, whenever I see him hop onto the mat, I feel like I'm watching that politically incorrect classic, Freaks. Once I've gotten my fill of collegiate competition, I don my dahlia black wig and fedora, and make that ceremonious walk to the Attic... in heels.
Enveloped by the pale moonlight, I clip-clop my way across campus, just shaking my ass, flipping my hair, making those other girls WISH they could look this good. It's the best feeling in the world: with a minimal amount of effort, I can raise awareness about the politics of gender and sexuality in our society, just by dressing like a slut. I LOVE IT!
Cautiously, I ascend the metal staircase, praying that this won't be the year when I suddenly slip, fall, and go tumbling back down. Pushing my way past the front door, I make my grand entrance, and watch the judges' jaws drop. Janine has arrived, BIT-CHES! :D After saying "Hey Girl" to my fellow ALLiES, I make my way to the dance floor. And who's the first person to approach me? Adam, my favorite Eagle Scout! It always impresses me that not only is he willing to openly support the cause but he also has the balls to dress up (granted, not TOO well) every year. MUCH RESPECT.
Unlike previous years, most of my time is spent in the lobby, as opposed to the dance floor. This is mostly because I'm compiling footage for my student film, a documentary about Gettysburg College's GLBTQ population. After downing a few cups of orange soda (laced with vodka), Jai hijacks my camera and drunkenly makes out with a wasted Claire on the Judges' Table for a few minutes.
After witnessing that drunken display of affection, I strut my way over to the dance floor, and what do I find? My roommate full-on JACK-HAMMERING his on-again off-again boyfriend, Bryan. Sparks and woodchips are flying everywhere! Luckily, I'm wearing my sunglasses so no metal shrapnel hits me in the eye. *cringe* That'll be a fun pair to come home to tonight.
WINNERS ARE ANNOUNCED
Sheng Chen
BEST GIRL TO GUY:
Katelin Harvie
BEST GUY TO GIRL:
Will Green
FUNNIEST
James Burkhalter
Honestly, I didn't exactly aim for Funniest, but Hey, I'LL TAKE IT. It really is true what they say... It's good to be the Queen. =)
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