Current Fan Favorite

A Nasty Case of Stage Fight

Theme Song: "Mortal Kombat" - The Immortals A couple of months ago, I found myself lounging around the house with a rare Sunda...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Over The Hill (9.08) (Previously UnAired)

Date of Production: 01.18.2009
Theme Song: "Don't Trust Me" - 3Oh!3

At the BSU's Annual Halloween Dance last year, I find myself talking to Mark for the first time since September. On the dance floor, he tells me, "I'm SO excited for your annual Halloween party!" Umm, with all the shit I'm currently going through, I am in NO mood to celebrate.

A lot of people don't realize how much thought, time, effort, and money goes into throwing a spectacular shindig. Upon hearing that I'm too busy with classes to throw what would be my TENTH annual party, Mark offers to pay for half of everything. Sorry, darling, but after your obnoxious drunken antics last month at ALLiES House, you are considered persona non grata with all but one of my housemates.

Three months later, things change: it's a new year, a fresh start, with THREE new housemates (DeLue, Megan, Adaeze) and I'm finally in the mood to party! My birthday falls on the day before classes start, so all my friends will be on-campus. Since I'm back home with all my old design software, labels, and printer, I decide to make dozens of party favors (customized mix CDs) in preparation for a hoppin' house party. After all, I spent my 21st birthday all alone, so this will make up for it.


I return to campus a few days prior and decide to rent a projector from the library. Upon arrival at Musselman Basement, who do I see? ...KYLE. *RAGE levels RISING* Recognizing him immediately from behind, I jab him in the shoulder with my finger, spin him around, and ask, "Why aren't you in Egypt?" Kyle quickly tells me he'll be gone after the weekend as he scampers off. Fine by me.

Had I known he was in town, I would've sent him an invitation out of courtesy, but since he didn't even have the decency to inform me that he would be in Gettysburg for the week, not only is he NOT invited, if he shows his face that night, I will tell him to "Fuck Off," no matter what my so-called friends think. Nothing more need be said but "Ding Dong, the Witch is dead." GOOD RIDDANCE.

Once my To-Do List is 75% complete, the day of the party has finally arrived. As with every party I throw, I'm responsible for providing my guests with good food and drinks. But after walking 3 miles to the grocery store and back, I am uncharacteristically EXHAUSTED. Probably 'cause I'm used to doing all this in October as opposed to January.

Fortunately, my distress does not go unnoticed as Chasse takes pity on me and offers to drive me around town to run the rest of my errands. SWEET! I climb into his jeep and we're off to the Beer Mart for 2 party crates of Smirnoff Ice, then La Bella Italia for their delicious pizza. On foot, that would've taken me about two hours; by jeep, it's about ten minutes. For his generosity, I am indebted to Mr. Rehwinkel.


Back at the Manor, Alex helps me set up the TV, PS3, and projector so my guests can mingle, watch music videos and play Rock Band in the Common Room, while I run around the rest of the house like a chicken with my head cut off. It's funny, one of the first videos I show them is Lady GaGa's "Poker Face" which literally JUST came out, so nobody there knows who this crazy bitch is. As with everything else in life, the Gays are always ahead of the curve.


Across the hall, my bedroom is decked out in black lights, so everything glows in the dark. This overflow party room is equipped with Dance Dance Revolution mats and a wide assortment of interactive dance games. After floating back and forth between venues, making sure all my guests are comfortable and having fun, I find a surprise waiting for me in the Common Room. Gwen and Becky are back from studying overseas, so GWATECKY is reunited, and they come together to sing me a special Wench song (which I believe they learned while working at the Renaissance Faire).


Per usual at ALLiES House, a Rock Band jam session and DDR Dance-Off dominate the first portion of the party. That's right, Jai's got the microphone and girlfriend is not lettin' go! It's funny watching GWATECKY back together again, as the three of them perform DDR moves in perfect synchronicity. They also bring their friends, "Jesus" and "Moses" (ironic, right?), and tonight I just say, "The more, the merrier!" That's one of the advantages of having a house party: multiple rooms to entertain guests AND friends of guests.


But we can't just play video games ALL NIGHT... that would be lame. So, since it's my birthday and all, I decide to screen one of my all-time favorite movies, JAWBREAKER. Drawing inspiration from cult classics like Heathers and Carrie, I credit this film for my own twisted sense of humor. It stars my favorite actress, Rose McGowan, the poster girl for sass, sensuality, and overall badassery. Needless to say, I can't get enough of this movie and I know all the dialogue by heart.

For the first time all night, I finally get to sit down and stop worrying about my guests--whether they're having a good time and getting along with one another. Chillaxing on the couch, I find myself next to Chasse. Angie arrives, I scooch over to make room for her, and my knee bumps into his. Squished against one another, my shoulder buried in his chest, I feel him, little by little, edging his way closer to me. I don't mind.


An icy yet pleasant chill shoots up my spine, and across my forehead, I feel beads of sweat forming. After a minute of weighing the Pros and Cons, I just throw my hands up and say to myself, "Why the fuck not? Nice guys should be rewarded." As the movie reaches its 3rd Act, my fingers inconspicuously make their way over to his. Under the cover of darkness, I slowly run my thumb along his sweaty palm. I can feel his heart RACING.

After the end credits roll, I recruit only Chasse to help me clean up the carnage. Once the room is near spotless, just Travis, Luke, and Adaeze are left, prepared to play Rock Band into the wee hours of the night. In my best attempt to be slick in front of my remaining party guests, I turn to Chasse, trashbag in hand, and ask, "So, you feel like hanging out for a bit?" He quickly responds, "Absolutely." We wave Goodbye to the gang and frantically ascend the stairwell.

It's pitch black. The hardwood door slams behind me and a hand appears on my shoulder. I grasp it and guide it down to my belly button.
A thick brush of facial hair sweeps across the back of my neck
as a voice whispers softly into my ear,
"Happy Birthday..."

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