She Blinded Me With Science (9.07) (Previously UnAired)

Date of Production: 04.20.2009
Theme Song: "Weird Science" - Oingo Boingo

(Cue EMO guitar riffs)
♫ ARE YOU HOPING FOR A MIRACLE?
ARE YOU HOPING FOR A MIRACLE-OH-OH-OHHH? ♫
EVERY DAMN MORNING. Every damn morning, that's the racket I wake up to: Travis' Emo Rock Chorus on an endless loop. And as with every roommate I've ever had, he remains in his blissful slumber, while I wake up in utter panic, burying my face in my pillow because I just went to bed three hours ago. What can I say? I'm an incredibly light sleeper.

Anywho, as usual, I'm on the top bunk, my voice rising in a crescendo, "Travis... Travis... TRAVIS, TURN THAT SHIT OFF, IT'S GIVING ME A MIGRAINE!" But in typical Travis fashion, he'll groggily hit the SNOOZE button, so the minute he walks out to take his shower, the alarm goes off again. And since he has one of those iPod Dock alarm clocks (with a million buttons), I'm just draping my arm over the side of the bed, whacking the space-age contraption, shouting "DIE, DIE, DIE!!" until the god-awful music finally stops.

It's on mornings like this that I can barely drag myself out of bed to go to my 9AM class, Biology 101... a.k.a. the bane of my existence. I hate that class with a passion because it's one that I'm forced to take, in order to satisfy the Natural Lab Science curriculum requirement. Science classes require a different kind of thinking than my literary classes, and unfortunately, as a Senior, I find it harder and harder to break out of my artistic train of thought.

When Fall Semester comes to an end, I've earned an A in the weekly labs, a B on my 1st exam (though 70% of the class failed it), a D on the second (Wake-Up Call), a C+ on the third, and God only knows on the Final... all I know is, I must've TANKED it because for the first time in my ENTIRE life, I received a D in a class--technically, it was a D+, but seriously, why try and dress up a D? It's surprising because I thought I understood Genetics more than any other unit, and the entire final exam was made up of Punnett Squares and an essay... false confidence is such a bitch.

Come January, I'm freaking out because I didn't get off the Wait List for my 4th and final required Natural Science elective. OH MY GOD, if I don't take this class, I'm not going to graduate this May! WHY oh WHY did I schedule all those horrible but necessary classes for my senior year?!

Desperate to get into a science class, I go to my good friend, Dr. Wedlock (ALLiES Adviser, Physical Chemistry professor), and ask him for advice. He tells me to just go door-to-door in the science building and see if they have openings on the 100-level. Once again, I check my pride at the door, toss a feathered boa around my neck, and whore myself out to any science professor who will have me. It gets to the point where I'm literally begging to be admitted into Astronomy 101 and Advanced Physics. The Physics professor was actually ready to let me into such an unpopular class, though I could barely decipher the syllabus... I think it was in English.

Little do I know, over 20 other seniors are in the exact same situation that I am, according to the Registrar's Office. Sensing a riot on the horizon, the Environmental Science Department adds a special night class geared specifically toward seniors. It's clear from the very first session that none of us (including Prof. Cavaliere) want to be there.

On the bright side, the class gives me the opportunity to hang out with Nikki, a Political Science major I haven't seen since Freshman Year, when she and I lived in Huber Hall. We motivate one another to do well in the class and we work together on our final project, a research paper on the Killer Whale.