Theme Song: "Two Against The World" - Rose McGowan (from Planet Terror)
DISCLAIMER: It's been a few months since I've actually blogged about my personal life, and lately, I've just been filling out some bullshit surveys to pass the time. *sigh* What can I say? SO MUCH shit has happened in a very SHORT amount of time, and I just got overwhelmed. As a result, I stopped doing a lot of things I love, specifically writing. The #1 reason why I took a hiatus was because I started attributing all my life's problems to the fact that I've made too many "private things" public domain. BUT... I was talking to my NHS peeps yesterday, and I realized that they actually relied on my journal for life updates. *big breath* SO... that said, we now return to our scheduled program.Previously on Chaos Under The Big Top: The College Years... Along with a group of fellow Film students, James attended the Manhattan Short Film Festival... YAY! in York, Pennsylvania... BOO! Nevertheless, it was a fantastic time.
Logically, since Gettysburg College is NOT a film school, VERY few of our Film Studies courses are hands-on... There's a grand total of two: Video Production and Intro to Animation (no longer offered). So, for the very first time, I've actually gotten into the Production class and have the chance to put theory into practice. BRiNG iT!
For our 10-minute individual projects, Prof. Udden says they must fall under at least one of three categories:
(1) (Non)Fictional Narrative
(2) Documentary
(3) Experimental
Immediately, I'm debating fiercely with TWO possibilities: a dance documentary or an elaborate adaption of one of my short stories. If I try to turn my story, The Object of My Obsession: A Tale of Unrequited Love & Bloody Vengeance!, into a short movie, I'm gonna need at least 4 actors to play the leads, two stunt drivers, a chroma-key ROOM, and a trampoline. A documentary, on the other hand, just requires me to pick the right person and showcase their talent while revealing all the time, effort, and thought that went into his/her dance routine. DOCUMENTARY, it is!Deciding on the star of this video isn't a long, drawn-out process; the decision is pretty clear right away. The FINAL FOUR (in no particular order) is down to: 1) Ambika, 2) Robby, 3) Jen, 4) Sara. If I get Ambika, there's a good chance she'll only be doing one dance, and given her crazy academic schedule, she might have to pull out at the last minute. If I get Robby, I'd have a male dancer BUT he sticks to Couples dancing (usually w/ Jen), so if I chose him, I'd feel compelled to follow her too. If I get Sara, I'm sure she'd do a great job because she's a wonderful technical dancer.
And then IT HITS ME! If I can get Jen, chances are, she'll be in a large variety of dances (Salsa, Tango, Ballet, Tap, Jazz, whatever), half of which she probably choreographed, AND I already know that she can ROCK a solo. In fact, my first impression of her was "WOW, watch that girl go!!" during her debut Ballet solo, back in '06. And so, less than 60 seconds later, I know that she's definitely the one... hopefully, she's not too busy to be filmed. Well, even though Jen is the "Hardest Working Woman in Showbiz," she agrees to let me videotape "anything I need." VERY cooperative. :D
EPIPHANY
When Jen and I finally find a day and a time when we're both free (Thursday @ 11:30AM *cringe*), I interview her and ask her about the choreographing process. Surprise of surprises, the show's coming up in 4 weeks, yet the routine needs about 60% more choreography. Her performance's coming along very well, but this development has me thinking, "I have a routine that's about 90% done. Is it not too late for me to do a solo too?" In a sense, it's an "If she can do it, I can do it" kinda challenge.
About a week later, I receive a mass email from Sara, asking if anyone else would like to do a solo, duet, or small group number. Without even thinking, a minute after receiving it, I respond with an enthusiastic "YES!!" And then, ten minutes later, I'm thinking, "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO?! Please, Sara, tell me it's too late to sign up!" XD Sara emails back that I can and she's excited to see what I'll come up with. Thanks... so am I...
GET INTO THE GROOVE
And just like that I start going through the same process as Jen. Double-Time. Preparing for battle, I crank up my favorite tunes and just start going wild in my bedroom, trying to piece together a routine I dreamt up (but never performed) earlier this year. While I'm in there jumping, spinning, tumbling my way into "The Zone," I fantasize about the good ol' days when I was BEST KNOWN for my legendary dance solos. They were always my forte, and not until college had I ever tried couple or ensemble dances. Part of me really just wants to forget what I've become, for 2 seconds, and get my old life back, before I ventured to the Land That Time Forgot.
When I first came to Gettysburg, my only outlet for dancing was going to the Attic practically every weekend and just dancin' the stress away. Back in high school, Dance Ensemble was ONLY open to the girls; plus, I had no desire to join them. Not until Spring Semester of my freshman year was I approached (by Sara aka Girl Wonder) to take Tango class with her. That's how it started. Then, we rocked out to Meg's StreetFighting Dance, set to Prodigy, prompting Kyle to ask me to try out for the BOMB Squad: I did and made it.
Cut to NOW: I hardly ever go OUT dancing because I spend 5 days a week preparing for performances. For me, dancing used to be a treasured stress release, but now, it's become a part of my stressful daily routine. I'm just lying on my bedroom floor, watching childhood favorites like Breakin', Flashdance, and Dirty Dancing on an endless loop, trying to re-discover that extreme joy and pleasure I used to take from dance. If I don't get that FIRE back, then this solo's gonna be a waste; if even I'm not excited about it, then who the hell else is gonna be?
At the first and only Technical Rehearsal, I have my camera and I'm ready to shoot Jen, but FIRST, I have to use my 5-minute slot to practice my routine on the main stage. And as I timidly make my way onto the HUGE stage, I learn a harsh lesson: I am NOT as young & nimble as I used to be. The saddest thing is that, as soon as I start the routine, the whole room stops and stares at me in anticipation (WHY must they always stare?), and I don't even have the energy to finish the 4 1/2 minute routine. I realize: if I try to dance to this NON-STOP TECHNO mix, I'm seriously gonna die (well, pass out) before the song's over.
First decision: I'm cutting that damn music again! I took 12 minutes of music and amazingly, made it 4 and a half minutes, and NOW, I'm gonna have to trim it down to THREE! Second decision: Some of these moves have gotta go! Seriously, ten seconds into the second song clip, I originally planned 8 consecutive knee-to-chest jumps AND... that ain't gon' happen. If it were at the beginning of the song, I could, but I won't have the energy for that intensity. This bums me out a little, but this dance is VERY trick-heavy, so the audience will have plenty of thrills.
One of my biggest realizations is that there's an EXTREME difference between performing a routine in your bedroom versus performing it onstage. I LOVE to use the entire stage, but I forgot that THAT's like 20 feet! And it takes some serious stamina to dance from one side of the stage to the other, especially if you're doing it in a matter of seconds. And I have a lot riding on the very FIRST MOVE: a front handspring off a chair. Yeah. It's extremely easy to flip off my wooden office chair, but when I arrive in the ballroom, my choices are limited to flimsy blue folding chairs and heavy-ass lounge chairs. When the music starts, I'll be pushing the chair into position while stepping in time, possibly pumping my arms as well. Well... I decide to stick with the lightweight folding chair, and let me tell you, it collapsed THREE TIMES, and one of the times I seriously had to do a fuckin' Fame leap to avoid breaking my neck!
All these technical problems worry me because there's a lot riding on this performance. For me, it feels like a "comeback performance," because 1) I haven't performed a solo in college and 2) my life, as of late, has been in shambles. And I'm terrified that I'm gonna fail and let myself down. Using a Britney analogy, although I WANT this to be an Oops!...I did It Again moment (A JAW-DROPPING, PICTURE PERFECT performance), it could easily turn into a Gimme More (total crash and burn, painful to watch).
Doomsday approaches, and it's time to step up. I'm NUMBER 2 in the Show Order, right after the Executive Board Dance, which is typically the "silly number." This is good, since they'll be joking around and having fun, so they won't be upstaging me... but this is HORRIBLE, because now I have to "warm up" the crowd and set the tone. *sigh* Not a fun job.
WHEN I PUT ON A SHOW
After returning home from the Saddest Place On Earth, the Washington D.C. Holocaust Museum (with my Women & Nazism class), I try to get pumped up for my debut. As I'm waiting in the wings, watching the Exec officers groovin' to the Cardigans' "LoveFool," I get that wonderful feeling of nausea that I always get before a performance. In my head, I picture crazy-ass Cynthia Rhodes prowling around the stage in Flashdance (1-2-3-4, "I'm goin' on a MANNHunt!"), and I try to get in the mood.
When the time finally comes, I do my routine, forget a couple moves but cover up nicely, fall over at least two times but my falls are more like somersaults so it looks planned... I hope. More than anything, I just want to make it to end of the song without having a "bad Flashdance moment." I don't wanna dramatically fall over and stay down. "GET UP, JEANNIE!!" Only to hit rock bottom, start dancing nekked at the Flying Bull Saloon and die in the gutter of embarrassment the next day (Note: This really happened to a girl... well, in Flashdance).
I get through the performance unscathed to a lot of applause and even some WOOs. I do love the WOOs. =D But I need to watch tonight's video and fix my mistakes for Sunday.
As is the case with Friday night's performance, on Sunday afternoon, my biggest gripe is that I can't even bring myself to look at the audience anymore when I'm dancing. Usually, I LOVE to look straight out there, pick one audience member, and dance just for him/her. But NOW, I'm so scared that I'm gonna look out there, see the WRONG FACE, forget all my choreography, and have an emotional breakdown in front of everyone. On Friday, Danny was there, and on Sunday, it was Kyle, two people who elicit very visceral responses from me (embarrassment, resentment, fury, twisted desire) whenever someone even hints that they might be around. In other words, I get the flopsweats. >.<
BALLS TO THE WALL
On Sunday, it's time to go all out in this bitch! As I'm waiting in the wings, I'm headbangin', trying to really feel the music from the very beginning. Every maneuver I missed before is executed flawlessly, and I finally reach that raw, wild, uninhibited place I used to go when I'd perform. I'm swirling around in a trance, it's as if I'm possessed by the Demons of Dance. I've missed this. There's no better feeling in the world (to me, at least) than crawling across a stage, the floor pulsating with your own energy, basking in the audience's excitement. EXHILARATING!
All in all, I'm very pleased with my performance, and although I always could've cranked it up to 11, it was awesome to perform and I think the crowd was properly WoW-ed. I couldn't do better if I did it all over again, and I don't think anyone else could re-create it if they tried. Though they are more than welcome to try... =D
DOWNLOAD the Original 4 1/2-Minute Presets Medley!
("My People" / "Are You The One?" / "This Boy's in Love")
WATCH James' Solo Performance on FaceBook!
WATCH Jen Giambrone is... The SHOWSTOPPER! on FaceBook!
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