Opening Song: "Cruel Summer (Inhaler Mix)" - Bananarama
Same topic, new spin.
Instead of going out Friday evening, I stayed in and got my prom hair ready; in other words, I shaved my head for aerodynamic purposes. Whoosh! Picked up the bare essentials from the local florist and the CVS saturday morning. Since the limo was supposed to pick us all up at Lauren's house, I needed to know one thing: where the hell does Lauren live?
It's 1:30PM and I call up Shannon to ask her that question. Unfortunately, she's still asleep (in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "Well, wake her ass up! It's 1:30 in the PM!") but she calls me back about an hour later and offers me a ride since she didn't know the street address BUT she did know how to get there.
Showered, shaved, manscaped. My tuxedo came with jewelry (eg. rhinestone button covers and cuff links) so those were a pain in the butt to put on. Around 5PM, Shannon's dad pulled up with Shannon and EJ in the car.
Let's rock 'n' roll!
WAITING FOR THE LIMO
Next we arrived at Autumn's house. At the back porch I was greeted warmly by her parents and cousin, came inside to find Autumn... in a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers. "I'm read' to go." And then our 5-car Prom parent caravan finally arrived at Lauren's where we hooked up with Lauren & her date, and Smithers & Sasan. When we got there, we had what felt like a 20-minute photo session. "All the guys put your arms around your dates" "Alright, now just the girls" "Just the guys" So exhausting.
After the parents finally ran out of film, Autumn's mom looked at me and gasped and said, "Oh no, she doesn't have a boutonniere for you." Autumn replied, "But Mom, he already has shoes." Apparently, the boutonniere's just the flower that guys wear to match their dates SO Autumn's dad runs to his truck and pulls out a knife and slices a bud off of Autumn's corsage so her mom can pin it on me. FuN!
The limo arrived a little late... we all got inside and next thing you know, the parents start attacking the car! *Flash, flash!* Mothers were crawling in the driver's seat, pressing up against the windows, and taking dozens of shots. When Autumn's mother came inside to send us both off, Autumn cracked a cool smile and simply told her, "Don't wait up." OOOOOooOO... that got the night started right!
We tried to open up the sunroof but apparently it was just for decoration... damn, I really wanted to stand up, take my top off, and yell "WOOO!!" to passing cars. Foiled once again, I suppose. Anyway, on the way up to Baltimore, all everyone kept asking was, "Are we in the ghetto?" And I'd just have to keep telling them, "NOT YET!" Although we did pass Skid Row and Pickle's Pub (which is not a pickle shop), we didn't get to the ghetto until the ride home.
ARRIVAL AT WYNDHAM
After trudging through Oriole gameday traffic, we finally arrived at the Wyndham hotel. This year's prom theme was HOLLYWOOD so the ballroom had lots of silver stars on the wall, a big bucket of popcorn balloons, a huge chandelier a la Phantom Of The Opera, and a long black (should've been RED) carpet, which was ripped completely to shreds by stilettos before the end of the night.
The minute I walked back into the ballroom I ran into something and knocked it into a table... I didn't see a face, it was just a huge black blob of polyester. "Was that a Yetti?!" I could just feel the hostility there. Seriously, I thought that I was gonna have to throw down in my tuxedo. Surprisingly, I didn't. Good thing too, 'cause that tux was a rental, y'all.
THE FOOD
Ewwwww.... I'm so glad I ate a Rice Bowl before I came. I did try some finger foods, nothing messy since I'm a bit of a klutz. At the Prom they had a table w/ Pasta and noodles (*cringe*), a salad table, and a dessert table. The desserts included exotic dishes like cheesecake and giant Kit-Kats. Mmmmm--*covers mouth*--ick! And as a vegetarian I stayed far, far away from the meat table which was illuminated by a satanic red spotlight. How appropriate.
THE ATTENDEES
Let's see... who were the A-Listers at the Prom? Janelle & Sammy were red-hot miniatures, and Jeff & Sherry looked great together. Sherry reminded me a lot of Ms. White from the old CLUE board game (not the old hag, "Famous Amos" version). Schoolden spiffed it up and Jessica came in her 1940s dress and opera gloves (very vintage!). Plus, I noticed Brittany C, Randi, Lexi and Phil, Teena and Batman, Amanda and Amanda, Amber & Zach, and Dennis & Kitty. Dennis' entourage came with these matching 2005 buttons... somewhat cool I suppose.
More importantly, I saw some old friends who I wrongfully assumed had fallen off the face of the Earth, specifically Critz and Rocket.
THE PAPARAZZI
From the moment we all walked into Prom, we were stalked by this creepy old guy from Lifetouch with his huge 1970s camera. John was walking around the joint, literally taking 80 pictures by the end of the night. *cringe* Scott, another tall one, lurched his way around the ballroom silently taking random photos. And if that wasn't enough, Mr. Gast was camped outside the ballroom with his videocamera. It was kinda funny; I was scurrying off to the bathroom and he stops me and starts yelling, "Give me an over-the-shoulder shot! Oh yeah!" Damn paparazzi.
THE COMPETITION
When Autumn started flirtin' with EJ in the limo, it just created this air of infidelity the entire night. You see, in order to spice things up at Prom, we decided to make a fun party game out of it. Once Carolyn and Chelsey arrived, I grabbed 'em both and posed for Bond-esque picture and casually said, "James 2, Autumn 1." And just like that, it was go-time!
Constantly looking over each other's shoulders, we grabbed random people for points and by the end of the night, the score was tied at 6 to 6. The only way to win, if you ask me.
THE MUSIC
The second song of the night was actually one of the songs I requested, Britney Spears' "Toxic." But since it was so early in the night and not a single person had started dancing yet, I had no choice but to dance in my seat. Although I liked most of the songs that the DJ played, I know that he was using DVDs from the artists... in other words, he didn't play any NEW music. All the songs were at least a year old (songs like "Toxic," "Hey Ya," "Love Shack," "This Is Your Night," etc).
The biggest complaint about the music was that every now and then, the CD would skip! This was blatantly obvious during the Cha-Cha slide 'cause when that song skips, everybody misses all those damn dance instructions, SO people were turning the wrong way, bumping into each other, and dancing offbeat. Granted, this was the case before the song even started skipping, but it definitely didn't help.
THE DANCING
You know what they say: "The way you dance is the way you make love." So you know the whole night I was scoping out the dance floor, watching those offbeat sons of bitches, just thinking, "Ouch! AHH! OWW!" If any of them came up to me I'd just yell, "You, stay the hell away from me!" and start sprinting.
As soon as Jess walked in with her boyfriend, she walked over to me and said, "When they actually play a good song, I'm dancing with you!" SCORE! Well, that dance would be a LONG time in coming. Because of the lack of good DANCE music, I couldn't get into my groove until about 2 hours into the Prom. During the boring/played-out songs, I'd just fake it, bopping my shoulders in addition to some sexxed up 2 steppin'.
Apparently while I was out getting group pictures with Autumn, Shannon, and EJ, that old clubsong, "This Is Your Night," came on and Jess was looking all around for me. Her jealous boyfriend ended up getting jealous (what are the odds?), threw a total B.F., told Jess to "Fuck off" and made her cry. Zach was there to console her and later, he came to me and let me know what happened. Immediately, I wanted to run from my photo session and cheer up my Jess, but I had to wait awhile.
Around 9:30PM the DJ put on Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean." The minute it came on, Janelle and Sammy turned to me and said, "It's a Michael Jackson song! Get your butt up there!" I had a stomach ache from that nasty prom food and drink, so I wanted to stay put BUT then, Marianne stormed over and screamed, "I don't care if both of your hands are broken, you are going out there and dancing." Fine. She just took my hand and dragged me onto the floor.
And suddenly the dance floor parts like the Red Sea and I realize that I have 2 give 'em a show. Aw, man! I'm a little nervous but I just start dancing like a mental patient in my tuxedo, praying that the coat doesn't explode. It was insane; somehow I managed to still do flips and splits while wearing a tuxedo. Weirdness.
Since I don't like hogging up the spotlight, I would back away every now and then so someone else could take a quick solo. Off the top of my head I remember Marianne, Randi, Bill & Dave Cuddhy, Sara (aka Vanilla Dynamite) and my personal fave, Jessica (breakin' it down w/ the crotch grabs and everything!). After Billie Jean, we transitioned seamlessly into a HOT techno song so Jess and I finally had our bodyrocking dance, during which I unleashed my trademark move, appropriately called "Da Whore." From then on, the night was loads of fun.
THE PROM KING & QUEEN
And the nominees for Prom Queen are KT Lubawski, Randi Pomycala, Brit Messerschmidt, and Malorie Jones! Nominees for Prom King are Mike Fleming, Buddy Pikerton, Chris Shade, and Paul Dumsha.
Brittany Messerschmidt and Paul Dumsha!
Woo. I actually voted for Brittany, mainly because KT acted so smug towards her, asking everyone if they really wanted "to look back and be able to say that the dumbest girl in the senior class was Prom Queen!" Hate to break it 2 ya, pal, but this ain't no IQ test! Brit might be a little on the ditzy side (like her Mean Girls look-a-like) but she has a great personality and a lot of talent. I'm pretty sure KT left right after the announcement, which was a pretty bitch-ass thing to do... way 2 go, Brittany! Even though, Randi would've been a good queen too. I don't know how Paul (the Turkey Day advocate) won. Chris is a much nicer, more deserving guy, but Chris didn't expect to win at all.
THE PLEASANT SURPRISES
Outside of the hotel, as we were walking towards the limo, I ran into Andre, my former dance partner-in-crime. It was such a surprise to us both that I actually recognized him right off the bat. It was the perfect end to a perfect night. And while we were all waiting at the crosswalk, a newlywed couple rode past in a horse-drawn carriage.
THE UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
Aw, man! A record-breaking TEN digital cameras (one of which belonged to our beloved Shannon) were stolen from Wyndham Hotel ballroom that night. Apparently D-Fox saw the guy who swiped 'em, but more than likely, it wasn't a student. SCUM!
THE AFTER PARTY
During the limo ride back Shannon and EJ were singing and laughing hysterically at some country song... so frightening that I had to ask, "Are you stoned?!"
And "No," there was no drug use going on in our limo; however, EJ and Autumn were talking about some alcohol-tasting bash they had Friday night. The topic of a drunken Jamie made me wanna laugh hysterically 'cause she seems a little "out-of-it" when she's sober, so I couldn't even imagine her drunk.
Notable Quote: "Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick... so I'd say, 'you're asking the wrong girl!'" - Megan Mullally, Will & Grace
After Prom we arrived at the Double T Diner, where we saw Bryan Bosworth (OH no!) w/ Allie & Jen. Afraid that we'd be seen at this lame spot, Autumn and I had no choice but to haul ass and avoid any paparazzi! Actually, we both had to go to work Sunday morning so we decided that sleep was more important than hanging out with the locals.
Mama came and we took Autumn home. I walked her to her doorstep, but since her family was out there waiting, I just gave her a hug and bid her Farewell. Otherwise, I would've sent her off properly with a goodnight kiss.
So after all is said and done, for me, Prom Night was spectacular and KICK-ASS (mainly cause yours is once in a lifetime). I had an absolute blast, and I think everyone should go (but not with your jealous boyfriend)!
No comments:
Post a Comment