Opening Song: "Please Don't Go, Girl" - The New Kids on the Block
Since I don't know if I'm gonna keep updating my journal past August 19th, I figured now would be the perfect time to do a tour that explores the greatest moments of my life thus far. My first HAPPILY EVER AFTER anecdote will appear soon but NOT in the following entry. Stay tuned and enjoy the show.
Quick Question: How bad does a movie have to be to earn 1/2 a star? Really? With the crap that's out there right now. I mean, Herbie Fully Loaded? The Honeymooners? Well, that's what Stealth earned! From the director of 2 Fast 2 Furious, Stealth has been slammed for having a flimsy plot. HELLO! The TV show, Dukes of Hazzard, didn't even have a plot... do you expect the film version to be any better?
This has been the worst movie summer I can remember. I was gonna hook up with Jess and go see The Devil's Rejects, but I haven't heard ONE good review from a real person. Besides, Jessica is busy workin' hard for the money before she heads off to Salisbury College. That's right: make that money, Jess! I ain't mad at ya... I'll just take my ass to Blockbuster Video. No late fees! Woo.
So you think you can dance? That's the latest American Idol spin-off to be aired on FOX. And this show is grrrreat... 'cause these people are craaazy. For real. At one point during tonight's episode, the Yoda-esque choreographer said to one male dancer, "Feel the dance. FEEL IT!" Well, this guy burst into tears while he pranced around. It's like, "I'm dancing really slow, and it's sooo sad. I need to cry." And to make things even weirder, the people watching him started crying. Oh, please!
Then came the real comedy. Since one of the female dancers just couldn't nail the choreography, she told everybody that she pulled her hamstring, so she couldn't do the routine. The choreographer tested her by letting her have a solo in the routine. Well, she limped during the choreographed part but once it was HER time to freestyle--she went SKEE-OOP! The cripple did a split and spazzed out all over the place, bouncing her ass along the floor! Really. Needless to say, she was eliminated. And to top it off, Blake, the only professional dancer in the contest, insulted a judge on-camera and that judge saw the footage (oooo!) and I don't know about YOU but I feel a dance-off coming on.
I've been in a dance-off before, and let me tell ya, they are sooo funny! Instead of punching somebody, you attack 'em with The Worm or The Moonwalk. I recall my showdown with Vic. As we exchanged our best moves, we were like, "Ungh!" "How ya like dat, boy?" "Yeah, my milkshake's better than yours!" *does a back handspring* "Take that!" "OWW!" After BJ declared me the winner, I go up to him and say, "I'm sorry I had to do that to you, man." *sigh* I lead a charmed life...
In other news, I joined an online dating service! *teehee* I know, I know, I'm not interested in meeting someone from the internet... I just need the self-esteem boost. After only a few hours I got a response... unfortunately, it just screamed ((SERIAL KILLER!)). Oh wait, I'm sorry, ((45 YEAR OLD SERIAL KILLER!)). Apparently, they emailed me b/c they were getting "more pickier" with their choices. *fumes* Bad grammar is such a major turn-off for me! Seriously, it makes me twitch. Hell, I'm surprised the last time I read Bewitched's journal, my head didn't just pop right off my neck.
Alright, that's all for tonight. As usual, I have a survey waiting for you. Good night, y'all.
| The Ham |
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT Your style's mostly goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid |
1. Copy and post in your journal.
2. Bold anything that is true.
3. Leave plain anything that is not true.
4. Add something.
001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome. (Don't get too excited--it wasn't the good kind)
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (I did turn into a bit of a stalker)
012. I like my handwriting. (Girls compliment me on it all the time)
013. I have tons of acne.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently. (only in my writing, though)
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby. (screenwriting, mixing CDs)
018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor/whip/whatever weapon you want here everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart. (well, I am book-smart)
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones. (I have knocked out teeth... but never broken bones)
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain. (not thunder, lightning, or wind!)
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I sleep at school.
030. I have long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister. (one of each)
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs. (that's a mistake you only make once, Ouch!)
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. (Best invention ever.)
038. I like the way that I look. (now that I've seen pictures, yes)
039. I have lied to a friend in the past 6 months. (pretty sure I haven't)
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty. Even as a pregnant woman, she is gorgeous! You go, Brit!
045. I have cheated on a significant other. (we had an understanding)
046. I have a hidden talent. (especially when it comes to sports)
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I've been sexually intimate with less than ten people. (counting on fingers... Nah-uh, no.)
049. I am currently single. (and lovin' it! OWWW!)
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex. (Not on the lips)
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat. (depends on where I'm shopping)
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. (hip hip cheerio!)
057. I'm obsessed with my diary.
058. I don't hate anyone. (It takes up way too much effort.)
059. I'm a pretty good dancer.
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis. (not quite)
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone. (I have to get over it, though)
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future. (This isn't binding, right?)
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before. (Hi-larious!)
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn. (Doesn't everybody?)
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger. (Ewww... robbing the incubator there?)
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have been rejected by someone. (before I even thought of asking, *laughs* What a dumbass! <-- And I'm not referring to myself.) 084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past. 085. I own the "South Park" movie. (no, but I have the South Park Season 4 DVDs and Team America)
086. I have avoided work to play on OD.
087. When I was a kid I played "The Birds and the Bees" with a neighbor or chum. *schoolboy giggle*
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend. (She'll always have a special place in my heart.)
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. (I like Papa John's and Dominos)
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career. (I'd flaunt my man-cleav for Ms. Tischer all the time... needless to say, I earned an A on EVERY single assignment. M'hmmm.)
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (I like his old music and videos)
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome! (I get to plan a horror movie fest!)
097. I watched Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met. (celebrities)
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't. (I didn't know back then)
103. I play a musical instrument. (clarinet, for the millionth time)
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now. (college stuff)
106. I own and use a library card. (I own one... let me just wipe the dust off)
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love." (but I know well enough not to act on it)
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is a good movie
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think Ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world. Yum.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd. (I'm serious about my studies... I guess that's nerdy.)
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I try not to change who I am for someone. (main reason why my relationships fail miserably)
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have had major surgery.
124. I have adopted a pet from the SPCA.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Some people call me by a nickname. (oh, so many)
127. I once stole a music stand. (stupid thing from HPES fell apart anyway)
128. I like pumpkin pie.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have mono.
132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor. (not horrible, just complicated... I'm ahead of my time, I suppose)
134. I'm still in my PJs.
135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong boys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
137. I'll try anything three times.
138. I'd rather drink than smoke.
139. I'm having trouble sleeping. (I'm an insomniac, I admit it)
140. I am a cuddler. ("Get Off Me!")
141. I love John Waters films. (Serial Mom! Serial Mom! I Love John Waters.)
142. I have made a pornographic videotape. (How else was I supposed to try out my new camcorder?)
143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin. (I've always been partial to pride)
144. One of my boobs is bigger than the other.
145. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
146. I love Dr. Pepper. (Alexis converted me)
147. I'm a programmer.
148. I can't explain why I'm unhappy at times.
149. I own and have read all of the Harry Potter books.
150. I like to smell my own hair. (smells like blueberry cotton candy... well, usually)
151. I carry a book with me almost everywhere I go.
152. I have an eating disorder.
153. I have flown to a different country to see a band.
154. I have been hospitalized for "mental issues".
155. I have survived totaling a car I was driving.
156. I am addicted to a Manga/anime.
157. Somehow I always seem to get myself into trouble.
158. I have dated someone for longer than 5 years.
159. I have been hit by flying Eric Szmanda spittle.
160. I have lived in three different countries.
161. I have tattoos.
162. I have lost someone I cared about deeply. (my great, great aunt who always used to watch "American Gladiators" with me)
163. I've filled out an obscenely long quiz. (Remember El Survey Grande, anyone?)
164. I am not human until I have had some form of caffeine.
165. I can't use hand operated can openers.
166. I'm really into this guy, but i need to get over him.
167. I'm a huge Red Sox fan.
168. I Pick my wedgies in public. (Ew)
169. I am obsessed with snowboarding.
170. I love boobies. (but I don't wanna grow them!)
171. I'm waaay too dominant. (at times, I can be)
171. I'm really submissive in bed.
172. I ignore my feelings because I don't want someone to get hurt. (sometimes you have to do what's best for the team)
173. I like Straylight Run.
174. I love Quentin Tarantino. (I like his movies...)
175. I listen to music religiously. (all noon and night... and when I get dressed in the morning)
176. I can think of many places I'd rather be than here.
177. I am so confused right now, it's not even funny.
178. I was born on a really rainy day.
179. I've been obsessed with an anime/manga character.
180. I've performed some act of public nudity (skinny dipping, streaking...). Flashing used to be one of my favorite pasttimes.
181. I believe religion does way more harm than good. (I almost said yes... but giving people hope is a great thing)
182. I'm a really slow reader.
+183. I have massaged someone else's supple body.
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