The Sincerest Form of Flattery (1.04)

Original Air Date: 08.23.2005
Theme Song: "These Boots Are Made For Made For Walkin'" - Jessica Simpson

BANG! BANG! BANG! That's what I wake up this morning--someone banging on my door like the police. Since I've had the sickness all morning (a migraine), this really isn't helping. And of course as soon as I finally muster up the strength to stumble out of bed and answer the door, my visitor vanishes. Damn.

So I try to go back to bed but then the knocking starts again. I answer the door only to find Nick, the short assistant Drum Major of the Marching Band. He has been sent to see if I'm feeling okay since I didn't make it to the morning practice. I assure him that I've been trying to sleep off the sickness, so I'll come when I'm physically up for it. He leaves.

A minute later. BANG BANG BANG! Who is it now? I open the door to find a police officer. "Are you James Burkhalter?" Yeah... The officer (campus security I guess) takes out his walkie-talkie and starts interrogating me about why I was MIA at the morning Band practice. I explain to him about my migraine and lack of Tylenol in the room--he relays the message to the Band director, Dr. Peddell over the radio and leaves.

Wow, I can't believe the Band has gone through so much trouble to find out that I'm okay. Hell, I still can't believe they called the Fuzz on me. That was a bit much, don't ya think?

Anyway, I sleep for about an hour, shower, shave, dress, drink a BOOST, and walk to Schmucker Hall for the indoor rehearsal at 1PM, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. After waiting inside for about 20 minutes, a nice music major comes up to me and informs me that the schedule has changed and that he'd be happy to escort me to Musselman Stadium, a place where we have never practiced.

After all the rehearsals are over, some of the Band peeps go to the Band Banquet, but really, I'm just trying to fight the sickness with food, water, and rest. Around 9:45 I walk back over to Schmucker to prepare for the Annual Band Camp Skits scheduled for 10:30PM. Much to my surprise, my Band buddies inform me that I won an award at the Banquet... for Best Cartwheel! WOO! We make the final adjustments and everyone gets into character--I decide to portray Jeff, one of our clarinetists, even though our section prefers physicality over dialogue.

10:45PM, right on schedule, the upperclassmen storm into the Hall, chanting, "Make us laugh! MAKE US LAUGH!" And we did. Among the skits performed were: Cartwheeling Clarinets ("Yeah Clarinets!"), Drum Major Michelle ("HARK time HARCH!!"), Control-freak Lina ("I'll fix the spacing"), Darth Peddell ("Where are my Squadies?"), Brass Section ("Team Trumpet!""No, Team Dobbs!"), Megan the Crazy Flutist ("That was startabulous!"), Loyalty ("The Song that Nobody Knows").

Some of the standouts include the re-enactment of the Band van crashing into a trash can; the wrestler/drummer portrayed the van and we had pillow stand-in as the metal can. Plus, there's always the semi-offensive gag associated with one of Dr. Peddell's trademark phrases, "You can't trust the High School hash," referring to the hash marks on the college football field, not marijuana.